The Goal Focused Way

16 Nov ’07

Conflicts can arise from many different sources. In complex, multicultural societies, like those common in major urban centres, a sometimes overlooked source of conflict is the cultural diversity itself. Cultural diversity brings numerous benefits to us, but it is easy to forget that part of our diversity is that we see the same things in different ways. In my travels through Europe and Israel I have been fortunate to meet wonderful people with world views that are different than the one that I grew up with in Toronto of the 60s and 70s. A few examples from my own experience can highlight some of the ways in which different world-views, and associated value systems, can lead to very difficult to resolve conflicts.

1. “What’s Wrong With Hiring my Son?” – In North America and Northwest Europe we value fair competition, independence, and rewards based on merit. Providing a job, promotion, or public benefit for a relative is considered to be dishonest, and cheating. We try to help our kids to be competitive by encouraging them to study hard, work hard, and play by the rules. But in some Mediterranean and Middle Eastern societies family bonds are much more valuable than other types of social bonds. For a person to be in a position of power, with the ability to provide direct aid to a close relative… and then not to aid that relative, is practically incomprehensible. It would be considered the pinnacle of absurdity to refuse to help a family member in need. What we see as nepotism, some other cultures perceive as common sense.
2. “But They Signed The Contract!” – In most Western cultures a signature on a contract is an irrevocable bond. We tend to be very careful about what we sign our name to, because we know that once we have signed a deal we are committed to its terms. When I was growing up, the father of one of my close friends used to complain about “those people over there” who would simply refuse to honour the contracts that they signed. Even when the deal was done, it seemed that there was more negotiating to do. He was shocked because when he left for home everybody seemed pleased with deals. But in the part of the Middle East that he did business, deals were cemented through relationship bonds and the people there did not really see much significance to the act of writing their names on a piece of paper. They were not being deliberately dishonest, and they were not trying to cheat. It was just that the “signature part” of deal making was not nearly as important as the relationship building, and accumulated trust over time was. Now this was nearly 30 years ago, and things may have changed “over there” since then — but it is still easy to see how a cultural miscommunication can lead to conflict inducing perceptions.
3. “I asked for directions and he looked me in the eyes and lied.” – This one still occurs in Israel from time to time. People with European backgrounds place a very high value on so-called objective truth and honesty. For us, it is much very important to be honest, straightforward, and accurate. So, if we are asked for directions we either give good directions, let the questioner know where they might find the directions, or simply apologize and say, “I don’t know”. But in the Middle East a much higher premium is placed on hospitality and service to those in need. If asked for directions, one has a moral duty to provide directions. It is considered impolite and rude to refuse to provide an answer. It is more important to provide “an” answer than it is to provide “the right” answer. Besides, it shouldn’t be long before the questioner asks for help again and is provided with the proper directions and maybe even a ride to their destination by someone else. No harm was done and you answered their question!

All three of the above examples are based on my own experiences and anecdotal evidence. They are meant to be illustrative of the pitfalls of cultural naivité, and not lessons in sepcific cultures and cultural traits! As I mentioned in the second story, some of the specific stories are 30 years old and may or may not still be relevant. But the lessons that I learned from these stories still apply today, and will continue to apply anywhere and any time that people from different cultural backgrounds work together. It is not always critical to know everything about, or every difference between, different cultures — but it is vitally important that what might at first seem to be “obvious” dishonesty, bad faith, or bad behaviour may in fact be anything but. Maybe someone is looking at you and wondering what the heck it is that you are thinking!